forcing your pets to spend time with you by closing the door
s-854: bonapartist: so i was looking up stuff about birth control throughout history and basically
pleasecornetobrazil: pleasecornetobrazil: im not high mom im just happy happy i blazed that dank ass weed
oohtheyhavenibbles: I JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT GLOSTER CANARIES AND I’M GONNA CRY LOOKIT THEM THEY HAVE BOWLCUTS BOWLCUTS LOOK AT THAT SMUG LITTLE FUCKER WITH HIS FUCKING BOWLCUT
confusedtree: bluestiel: confusedtree: worldfamousprofessor: correctsylviaplathquotes: sagihairius: My mom just informed me that my first word was “quote” so I’m going to make sure my last word before I die will be “unquote” bullshit pretty sure babies lack the fundamental mouth control to form the complex “quo” sound let alone ending it with the hard “t” If your baby looks at...
den-of-lions: What if you’re Daniel Day Lewis and you don’t know it because you’re so immersed in your role.
that-jolly-tardis-sound: in geometry class today, a kid’s phone started siri while my teacher was explaining a proof, and it said “sorry, i didn’t understand that. could you say it again?” and mY TEACHER STARTED EXPLAINING IT AGAIN HE DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE THAT THE VOICE WAS OF A MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN OMFG
johnquincyadams: it’d be cool if there were like Sesame Street style shows for teenagers and Young Adults that teach you things like what to do at the post office and how not to be an asshole at parties
isitscary: dorothy-cotton: baklavagina: people makin fun of adele and taylor swift for making music only about relationships have never heard more than 2 songs by beyonce taylor swift’s are all like SOBS YOU’RE A BUTT THAT GIRL IS A SLUT and adele’s are all like WELL IT’S OKAY BUT IT’S REALLY NOT BUT OKAY I’LL BURN STUFF where beyonce’s are like YOU’RE BREAKING UP WITH ME, HAVE YOU SEEN...
hipstertheory: sad-white-girl: I would be an awful parent. My kid would say “I don’t wanna go to school I just wanna sleep” and I’d probably get in bed with them and say “I feel you” you probably could’ve worded that a bit better
here, have some childhood nostalgia
glitter-gut: stabmeintheneck: this dudebro in my english class said that ophelia deserved to die because “she led hamlet on” and my teacher threw her book against the wall your teacher’s aim sucks
tegansaraaficionadolexie: gamkarakatvantas: great-aspirations: braveheart-the-lion: i would pay $1000 to see Obama in Frozone’s super suit I would pay $10,000 to hear Michelle say “I am your WIFE! I am the greatest good you are EVER gonna get!!”. I didn’t know I wanted this until now.
buffdaddyjohn: ybee: ive been laughing for the last half an hour because sun bears exist help #ITS LIKE SOMEONE #TRIED TO DRAW A BEAR #AND CO uLDN T
hiptoyourjive: I hate when guys do something half way decent and say “chivalry is not dead” okay go joust for my honor I hope you fall off your horse you weird asshole
anatomyofaburnout: if you’re gay and live in oklahoma and don’t call yourself an oklahomo then what the fuck are you doing with your life
keith-moon-in-your-pants: Logs onto Facebook Logs off Facebook
photoshoppedreality: hussiescondensedevil: eating is so badass i mean you put something in a cavity where you smash and destroy it with 32 protruding bones and then a meat tentacle pushes it into a pool of acid and after a few hours later you absorb its essence and transform it in energy just wow That is the most metal thing I have ever read in my whole life.
onlinepunk: every time a vegan goes on a rant it’s just like